end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
