guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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