i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
