I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
