I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
