I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
