Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
