left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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