I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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