Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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