there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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