Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sarcasm needs its own font
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
