Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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