Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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