we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
