Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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