I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
