Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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