I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
