his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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