boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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