Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize