The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize