oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
where am i from again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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