At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
