Just fell off a train. Bad.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
