Duck Duck Cougar?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
