hell yes lets make some ravioli
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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