dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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