fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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