Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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