Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
