OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
