So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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