Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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