I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
