honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
