toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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