Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
