He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
