woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
