I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize