I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
