I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
