I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
