im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
