Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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