Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize