when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
