she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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