Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
