I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
