Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
