Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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