apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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