I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
