if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
