Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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