I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
