69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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