I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
