I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
