I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
