Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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