Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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