matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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