Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize