I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
