just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
