it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
