I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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