hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize